Chapter 10 - The Power of Positive Influence

Do you remember reading and discussing integrity in chapter 2? We said integrity was who you were when you thought no one was watching and the reality was that someone was always watching. Dungy shares of a new teammate who years later revealed that he had been able to stay away from the drug scene of pro sports by watching Dungy's example. We never know when people are watching how we live as Christians.

The difficulty is that those that are watching sometimes only watch what they want to see, and often times are unable to see what is going on behind the scenes. Therefore many make judgments that are unfortunate because they are not completely accurate. While that is frustrating, it is what it is and we must still remain positive in how we react.

I think Dungy makes a great point as he compares the internet with interpersonal interaction. Even as I type these daily blogs I wonder how much better ideas could be communicated face to face than behind the safety of a computer screen, where it is easy to miss the sincerity or in some cases the lack of sincerity with which things are communicated. While I know that there have been many things that I have had to swallow hard and receive as criticism from hidden anonymous writers, there are also times that I misread information that would have come across much more positively if it had been presented face to face.

Reread these words from Dungy. Do you want to have a positive influence on the life of someone else? Then let me ask you ad few more questions. When was the last time you went to someone who needed a visit? When was the last time you made a call - or wrote a letter - to someone who could use a lift in his or her life? When was the last time you had a date with your spouse or a "date night" with your little girl, who adores you? When was the last time you sent flowers to someone for no particular reason? WHen was the last time you did something that will forever be a positive memory in someone's life?

Chapter 9 - Taking Counsel

What great quote from Ben Franklin to begin this chapter, "Tis great confidence in a friend to tell him your faults, greater to tell him his." I am so thankful that I have a few very close people in my life, who have over and over again made wise decisions that can truly say things that I don't want to hear without being judgmental. They admit their own faults and shortcomings and realize that this journey to follow Christ is difficult at best, but is worth every heartache and struggle.

The writer of Proverbs tells us that "plans succeed through good counsel; don't go to war without wise advice." We are going to war every day. In fact, I have found that church leaders are in the sights of the assassin every day. While it is to be expected from the evil assassin it is sad when the shots come from friendly fire. So how do distinguish between counsel that helps and criticism that destroys.

Dungy says it is in being constructive. What a great encouragement to stay focused on solutions and communications. I have found the greatest help and counsel coming from those that openly talked about how life and be better, and what we can do to correct shortcomings.

OOPS

Something happened to my blog from yesterday and it didn't post (surely it wasn't operator error). I'll repost it and today's this evening after a morning of worship with the bride of Christ and an afternoon with my bride.

Chapter 8 - Friendship

We start our second week of the journey to be Uncommon with a discussion about friends. I found Dungy's discussion of the two-way street very interesting because I have seen many people including my own son, be much more loyal to friends than they were to him. My son has always been the champion of the underdog and unfortunately many of those friends have simply been dogs. Do you remember when that stray dog showed up at the house and your parents told you not to feed it because it would keep coming back? The reality is lots of people want to hang around for "scraps from the table", but true friends invite you to their table as well. They understand the principle of share and share alike.

The writer of Proverbs said, "A friend loves at all times and a brother is born in adversity."(17:17) He also wrote, "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."(18:24) I am so thankful for friendships that I have with the elders and staff of our church, they have truly helped me survive the last few years. I am thankful for friendships that I have with by brother and best friend from high school. Though we don't see each other as often as we should, both have proven themselves ready to drop everything and come with only a phone call.

My prayer for men is that they would have friends! Not drinking friends and gambling friends, the kind that are always willing to be around for the party, but friends that will drop everything when the phone rings anytime day or night if they are needed. There is only one way to have those kind of friends ... you have to answer the phone when you are called!

Chapter 7 - Respect Authority

Following Romans 13:1-2 is really tough at times. It says, "Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God. So anyone who rebels rebels against authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and they will be punished." As a young person it is hard to follow because let's face we knew it all then and didn't want anyone telling us what to do.

But as an adult when we realize we don't know everything, we do know enough to know that sometimes people in authority do things, or ask us to do things that we just can't agree with. Dungy doesa great job of describing a couple of those times in his life. How many of those times can you think of? The majority of the time, however, those in authority in the various arenas of our life know a little more about a given situation and therefore can make a more informed decision than we can.

As the father of a twenty year old daughter and nearly eighteen year old son, I had to chuckle at he comment by Dungy's daughter on page 70, "I just wish he could have made it until he was twenty, because when I was seventeen or eighteen, sometimes the things that you guys say to us didn't make sense. But about the time I turned twenty they started making a lot more sense." As I mentioned yesterday there are a lot of times that I have made harsh statements that don't even make sense to me when I look back, I just pray that as both my children age things will start to make more sense as gaps are filled in for them.

Chapter 6 - Fatherhood

I love Dungy's quote on page 55, "The Bible wasn't written for those who have it figured out, but instead it is God's word to those of us who are muddling through life." I really don't know what to write today because I feel like I am muddling through fatherhood. I know I was always present in my kids life and that I knew they were watching me. I am not sure I always matched what I said and did.

I guess the one thing that I was committed to was loving the mother of my children. I think that may be the greatest gift of a father is love their children's mother, 'til death do us part. In the end we all make mistakes in every area of life and thus when it comes to fatherhood I am so thankful for grace.

Chapter 5 - How to Treat a Woman

OK so it is probably time for you to get over the "head of the household" thing, because if that is the phrase you are holding onto you aren't ready to be that person. It doesn't take long in looking at the passage that a lot of women scorn in Ephesians 5 to learn that God was more concerned with men knowing how to treat a woman than a woman knowing how to treat a man. The sheer volumn holds much truth. In a very small section he speaks to wives and in a section four times the volumn he speaks to husbands. Basically if men would treat their wives the way God inspired Paul to describe their portion becomes quite easy.

The whole chapter of Ephesians 5 however is based on Christians submitting to one another. I know men who, by any standard I would use, are not even Christians that want to claim "head of the household" status and quote the Bible as if they know it. The key to the marriage relationship functioning in biblical terms is both partners (man & woman) being God followers.

That is why Paul so strongly encouraged us to not be unequally yoked which has nothing to do with race or nationality, but has everything to do with understanding who God is and what he wants for his children.

I love Dungy's challenge to read John 3:16 with your spouse in mind. I just reminded myself that "God loved Kimberley so much that He gave His son Jesus to die for her." I need to love her the same way!