What Happens When a Person is Unfaithful in Marriage?

There is no greater pain in a marriage than when one partner is unfaithful to the other.  Marriage is a relationship of trust and when that trust is broken the pain is severe.  But does it have to be the end of a marriage?

The Bible clearly gives “unfaithfulness” as a legitimate reason for the injured party to step out of their marriage vow.    In the Old Testament book of Deuteronomy there are lists of things to do to a person who commits adultery even to the point of death. In the New Testament in Matthew 5 Jesus taught, ³¹ “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’³² But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

But Jesus went on and taught that if a person looks at someone other than their spouse with lust in the heart that they had committed adultery and should potentially gouge their eyes out.  (Matt. 5:27-29)  So how do we avoid walking around as blind, unforgiving, unforgiven people?  I think a key issue to understand is that while Jesus gives a legitimate excuse for divorce, he doesn’t give a command!  In fact the Bible clearly tells us that God hates divorce!

When Jesus was tempted by Satan to jump and let the angels catch him, I think they would have caught him.  But just because He could jump didn’t mean He had to.  (Luke 4:9-11)  Paul taught that the time had come when it was okay to eat meat sacrificed to idols, because Jesus had become the ultimate sacrifice, but he also taught that not everything that was permissible was beneficial.  (1 Corinthian 6)  So just because Jesus says that “sexually immorality” is grounds for divorce, He nevers tells us we must divorce.

In fact there is an entire Old Testament book where God keeps sending a man back to his unfaithful wife.  In Hosea 3: 3 we read,  The Lord said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes. ”

Now I still don’t think God is by any means encouraging unfaithfulness, but by example is showing us how many times He has forgiven our unfaithfulness to him.  In the New Testament Jesus illustrated it with a story about two servants.  In Matthew 18 we read, ²¹ Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” ²² Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Forgiveness is such a beautiful thing, but boy it sure is hard!  Jesus came to earth so that we could understand forgiveness and have a model of forgiveness to apply in our lives.  Marital unfaithfulness may very well be the hardest area in which to grant forgiveness, but I think it is where God wants us to be.  How many times?  How many times has He forgiven you for being unfaithful to Him?

How Much Do You Care Your Marriage?

Years ago I heard someone say, “It’s not that I am apathetic, I just don’t care anymore.”  It takes a second to sink in.  When it comes to marriage a lot of people end up saying, “It’s not that I don’t care, I just don’t love them anymore.”

Really?  How did that happen?  How does it keep happening?

On Valentine’s Day 2011, Time Magazine reported that, “The U.S. Census Bureau reports that the number of married Americans has dropped to around 54% in 2010 from 72% in 1970. A new CBS poll backs up that data: 70% of respondents said they thought the institution of marriage is weaker today that it was 20 years ago.”

Max Lucado wrote:“Satan won’t suddenly steal your home from you.  He’ll do something far worse. He’ll paint it with a familiar coat of Drab.  He’ll replace evening gowns with bathrobes, nights on the town with evenings in the recliner, and romance with routine.  He’ll scatter the dust of yesterday over the wedding pictures in the hallway until they become a memory of another couple in another time.”

This Sunday we will continue on series on Marriage Crashers as we deal with the topic of apathy.  I really don’t believe people go into marriage saying, “I might.”  They say I do and I choose to believe that on that special day they do.  The problem is that the wedding is an event and marriage is a process.

Marriage can be a life long journey and Sunday we will honor nearly fifty couples at our church on the hill that are testimony to that because they have passed the forty year mark.  Many more lasted a lifetime until one of them went to be with the Lord.  Last year we had many young couple who said this was a moving day for them as it reminded them that love could last!

I’d love to hear some of your love stories for a lifetime!