What Happens When a Person is Unfaithful in Marriage?

There is no greater pain in a marriage than when one partner is unfaithful to the other.  Marriage is a relationship of trust and when that trust is broken the pain is severe.  But does it have to be the end of a marriage?

The Bible clearly gives “unfaithfulness” as a legitimate reason for the injured party to step out of their marriage vow.    In the Old Testament book of Deuteronomy there are lists of things to do to a person who commits adultery even to the point of death. In the New Testament in Matthew 5 Jesus taught, ³¹ “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’³² But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

But Jesus went on and taught that if a person looks at someone other than their spouse with lust in the heart that they had committed adultery and should potentially gouge their eyes out.  (Matt. 5:27-29)  So how do we avoid walking around as blind, unforgiving, unforgiven people?  I think a key issue to understand is that while Jesus gives a legitimate excuse for divorce, he doesn’t give a command!  In fact the Bible clearly tells us that God hates divorce!

When Jesus was tempted by Satan to jump and let the angels catch him, I think they would have caught him.  But just because He could jump didn’t mean He had to.  (Luke 4:9-11)  Paul taught that the time had come when it was okay to eat meat sacrificed to idols, because Jesus had become the ultimate sacrifice, but he also taught that not everything that was permissible was beneficial.  (1 Corinthian 6)  So just because Jesus says that “sexually immorality” is grounds for divorce, He nevers tells us we must divorce.

In fact there is an entire Old Testament book where God keeps sending a man back to his unfaithful wife.  In Hosea 3: 3 we read,  The Lord said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes. ”

Now I still don’t think God is by any means encouraging unfaithfulness, but by example is showing us how many times He has forgiven our unfaithfulness to him.  In the New Testament Jesus illustrated it with a story about two servants.  In Matthew 18 we read, ²¹ Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” ²² Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Forgiveness is such a beautiful thing, but boy it sure is hard!  Jesus came to earth so that we could understand forgiveness and have a model of forgiveness to apply in our lives.  Marital unfaithfulness may very well be the hardest area in which to grant forgiveness, but I think it is where God wants us to be.  How many times?  How many times has He forgiven you for being unfaithful to Him?

How Much Do You Care Your Marriage?

Years ago I heard someone say, “It’s not that I am apathetic, I just don’t care anymore.”  It takes a second to sink in.  When it comes to marriage a lot of people end up saying, “It’s not that I don’t care, I just don’t love them anymore.”

Really?  How did that happen?  How does it keep happening?

On Valentine’s Day 2011, Time Magazine reported that, “The U.S. Census Bureau reports that the number of married Americans has dropped to around 54% in 2010 from 72% in 1970. A new CBS poll backs up that data: 70% of respondents said they thought the institution of marriage is weaker today that it was 20 years ago.”

Max Lucado wrote:“Satan won’t suddenly steal your home from you.  He’ll do something far worse. He’ll paint it with a familiar coat of Drab.  He’ll replace evening gowns with bathrobes, nights on the town with evenings in the recliner, and romance with routine.  He’ll scatter the dust of yesterday over the wedding pictures in the hallway until they become a memory of another couple in another time.”

This Sunday we will continue on series on Marriage Crashers as we deal with the topic of apathy.  I really don’t believe people go into marriage saying, “I might.”  They say I do and I choose to believe that on that special day they do.  The problem is that the wedding is an event and marriage is a process.

Marriage can be a life long journey and Sunday we will honor nearly fifty couples at our church on the hill that are testimony to that because they have passed the forty year mark.  Many more lasted a lifetime until one of them went to be with the Lord.  Last year we had many young couple who said this was a moving day for them as it reminded them that love could last!

I’d love to hear some of your love stories for a lifetime!

Baggage Can Crash the Best Marriage

Have you ever traveled with a lot of baggage through an airport? My wife Kim and son Shaun were flying home a few weeks ago from San Antonio, Texas.  Their rental car had to be returned about eight hours before their flight was to leave.  That didn’t seem to be a problem as they planned to drop the car off, check their bags and then take a taxi to the Alamo and Riverwalk, before returning for the flight.  The problem arose when they realized their flight was the only flight on that carrier that day and no one would be available to check their bags for seven hours. There they were stuck at the airport with nothing to do with their baggage for 8 hours.  You can’t just leave your baggage and hope it will be ok.  T.S.A. personnel tends to frown on that in our current climate.  You can’t lug the luggage around everywhere you go.  So they were stuck in the airport with their baggage, missing out on the adventure in San Antonio.

That’s exactly where a lot of marriages are … stuck with their baggage.  Oh we all have baggage that we bring into our marriage.  The baggage could be labeled abuse, greed, sexual promiscuity, depression, debt, or addiction.  But we all have baggage.  Couples often get to a point when they realize they don’t know what to do with the baggage.  They can’t just leave it alone and they sure don’t want to drag it around so they just sit miserable and missing out on the adventure of marriage because of baggage.

What are you going to do with your baggage?

Honoring Motherhood

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you

To those who experienced loss this year through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

Good Bye to a Good Friend

There aren't a lot of them in the world.  People that you just immediately know are a genuinely nice person.  When I met Lonnie in the mid-1990's I knew I had met one of those people.  From the first time I heard him play the piano I knew he was a great piano player, but I soon found out he was an even better person.  I am not sure that he ever showed up at church without a joke to tell me.  I loved the chances I got to hear him play at the Captain's Quarters.  I will never forget the lunch that he and Butch prepared for some of our ministry team at their house.  I'm one of who knows how many preachers who Lonnie told "you're the best preacher I've ever heard".  I found out real soon that he told every preacher that and for that particular day each of us was the best preacher he had heard that day.  He just loved to encourage people. 

I'm glad Jonathan made the CD of his music for all of us to remember.  When I opened my desk drawer this morning before I went up to preach, there was the CD,  I admit I had to close the drawer quick because if I looked at it, much less listened to it I wouldn't have been able to compose myself enough to preach, because I loved to listen to him so much.  When he sang ... oh my, his sincerity could make all of us melt with joy.  Especially, when he sang about Jesus. 

I wish I had known him better.  That we had met sooner in life and that we lived closer to each other.  I wish I could have seen him every day of my life, because every day I did see him he made me feel special and made my day a better day.  Many people had that pleasure of knowing him longer and better and I can't imagine how much they are going to miss him.  Kim and I got to see his wonderful wife Butch tonight.  I hadn't seen her in a couple of years and when she hugged me it felt like it had only been minutes.  Lonnie and Butch were such a great couple!

Lonnie Ragan made the music in heaven even better this week.  I don't like good-byes,  so I'm not going to say that.  I just patted him wonderful hands tonight and said, "I'll see you later."  I bet he has a silly joke ready when we get there!

Is It In You?

Like many if not most churches, the church I lead has a purpose statement and a vision statement that well document the actions and dreams of the church as it moves forward.  I realized, however, that did not have a strategic structure for the personal responsibility for the individuals that make up that church.  Our vision statement says, that we want to be a community of changed lives with undeniable influence.  I love the fact that the word church is not in that statement.  Not because I am anti-church, I love the church of Jesus Christ, but in our culture the use of church tends to ring of institution in many ears, not of love and action as Christ desired and died for.  

Now the Bible is the best MapQuest for finding our directions on living that one could ask for, but it is also very comprehensive.  I felt the urge to break it down to some irrefutable basics that people could hold onto and put into practice.  Last summer on a study break from the church, Christ began to reveal some of those basic truths in a way that made since.

I returned to share with my staff what I was sensing and as a team we worked out the spiritual DNA initiative that I have listed below.  These things are more than just our identity as followers.  We hear a lot about identity theft and while people can steal your identity they can't steal your DNA.  It's deep inside of you!  We began formulating these markers around a question first posed by Gatorade - "Is It In You?"  It was our belief that these would be characteristics that would just spill out of followers of Christ and become as natural as their physical DNA.

Time will tell if these ideas truly catch on in the church, but we are working toward these five things become as natural as breathing.

Worship – We are a community of changed lives who worship God with a spirit of surrender in our thoughts, actions and words and committed to …

·         Daily Personal Worship – Hebrews 13:15

·         God-Honoring Lifestyle – Colossians 3:1-4

·         Corporate Worship - Hebrews 10:25

Study – We are a community of changed lives that values the Bible as God’s Word as final authority, guiding the way we live and committed to…

·         Authenticity of Scripture – Hebrews 4:12

·         Advancing My Relationship with Christ –   2 Tim. 3:16-17

·         Accountability – Colossians 3:16

Serve - We are a community of changed lives who have been given a unique set of talents and abilities that can be used to make a positive impact in the lives of others and committed to …

·         The Example of Christ – Mark 10:45

·         A Servant’s Heart – Galatians 5:13-14

·         Discovering and Using My Gifts – 1 Peter 4:10

Give - We are a community of changed lives willing to give the resources of time, money and spiritual gifts God has entrusted each of us and committed to …

·         Generosity in All Things – 1 Timothy 6:17-19

·         Tithing – Malachi 3:10

·         Those in Need – Matthew 25:35-36

Share – We are a community of changed whose love for God and others compels us to introduce people to a relationship with Jesus committed to …

·         Our Testimony – 1 Peter 3:15

·         Disciple Making – Matthew 28:19-20

·         World-Wide Evangelism – Acts 1:8